When I got pregnant, I knew that I would breastfeed, no questions asked. It's the best for baby for a number of health related reasons, it promotes bonding, it helps me lose the weight (and allows for an extra 300-500 calories a day! Give me that Snickers! -HB), and its fast, free & convenient. Well...
Lets start at the beginning. Once I managed to push a grapefruit sized noggin out of my walnut sized precious gem (ahem...) Bean and I shared our skin to skin bonding and she naturally rooted for my breast to start feeding. I was blessed with a naturally good latcher & nurser in general. So, how could I be so selfish as to deny her that natural instinct? ...I considered denying that instinct after about six hours and three feelings later. Wholly cannoli! My nipples were so raw they were a contender with sushi! Betcha've never seen your nipples bleed, scab, crack, or blister. I have! (Seen my nipples do all the above that is, not yours, I haven't seen your nipples. Unless you're HB or L. They're my very close fellow military spouses/mommys/breast feeders/baby wearers, etc) And of course while I'm in the hospital they give you this BEAUTIFUL gown (ten sizes too big with these *convenient* slices for my boobs to pop out of) to wear. Well, this oversized gown is now rubbing my already raw nips down to a shred. It's so bad that I'm leaving the door to my room closed, curtain drawn just so I can be topless. If a female medical personnel walks in, I don't even bother covering the girls up, it hurts too bad. And I figure, they're plenty used to boobs by now! "How am I going to do this for 6-12 months?! Is there any relief or something I can do to make them feel better??? I mean, I'm trying not to be selfish here, put aside my discomfort for my daughter's sake... "Let them air dry" they say... "Rub your own milk on them" they say... Something tells me *they* didn't breastfeed... Finally a very nice nursery nurse tells me to ask for Lanolin cream, that will help... It did, kinda... (It's a lifesaver now however) It also makes previously mentioned gown and sheets STICK to my raw nips... So, try to rest they say... Well, I'm laying in bed with a broken vagina (more on that later I'm sure...), nurses coming in hourly to check on me and Bean - but we each have a different nurse and tech for vitals, so that means someone is in our room every 15-30 mins and when I do try to rest, I'm too damn cold because I can't cover my poor boobies which are covered in goop in an attempt to make them feel better... Ah well, moving on... After a few days, I was literally screeching *every* time Bean latched. I kid you not, she would jump because I would yelp so loud. Tears would stream down my face because of the pain... I'm not trying to scare anyone off from breastfeeding, but honestly, NO ONE told me how much it hurt. Everyone told me what it was like two weeks later when their nipples hardened, their milk had come in, and baby had established a good latch... This was the part that was all rainbows and butterflies... I'm telling you how it is. It's sucks. Hardcore. That is until your milk comes in and, for lack of a better explanation, there is more lubrication to help. This is when it helps to rub your milk on your nips and then let them air dry. You see, breast milk has this MAGICAL ability to heal (cracked nips, diaper rash, etc). Anyhow, I also give this advice... Try not to cry out loud when baby latches... It scares them, they unlatch, and then it all starts over... Evil cycle... Suck it up, mama, you can do it. It took me about two weeks to stop crying, cringing, and all around dread nursing, the it was all the great things my friends had mentioned. Keep it up, you're stronger than you think. And if all else fails, pray. He's listening. (More on that later)
Let me also discuss how awesome it is for a normally B cup woman to turn into a D cup... Wow! When my milk came in, VAVOOM! "Porn star boobies!" -L. "Ow! DO NOT touch! For visual observation only, Hubby!" You see, when you first start breastfeeding, your body guesses how much milk baby will need, it takes a few weeks for it to regulate, so youre more than likely overproducing. But when they're really full and engorged, they look awesome! Huge and perky! And painful... But then the cluster feelings start... And now your previously rockstar ta-tas look like deflated balloons with pudding inside. Blegh, how ugly. Wow, have you noticed how long this is getting?! Yikes! Hope you brought a snack... So moving on the the true topic I had intended for this entry... milk supply & pumping.
It's hard not to compare yourself to a farm animal when your previously considered "fun bags" are now leaking milk at the smallest peep from baby, but throw in <
pump and you can hear "Mooooo!" coming from deep down in your evil low self esteem conscious. You see, since I'm all for exclusively breastfeeding, I'm anti-formula (more on that later) therefore, in order to get any naps, showers, help in general... Hubby needs to have a bottle of milk to give to Bean. Well that requires an additional ten minutes of lactation from my already overworked ta-tas... Ten precious minutes. And precious milk... Breast milk is treated like gold. (Right HB?) As previously mentioned, up until a week ago, I didn't get much "me" time so of course there's a very slim chance of pumping. Not to mention, Bean was nursing every hour... If you're not a breastfeeder or haven't started yet, time between nursing sessions is measured from one latch to the next... For example, latch at 1:00, nurse ten minutes each side, start, over at 2:00. That leaves 40 minutes in between couch potato time. In those minutes there is also a diaper change and hopefully a stop in the kitchen to grab a glass of water and *maybe* a snack... No time to pump. Plus, there won't be any milk left for Bean to start nursing again. Needless to say, I have not been able to stock up on breast milk. So today, I decided to try an organic herbal tea to increase my milk supply. I have some more time between feedings now, I'm hoping to build a supply for bottles... Mothers Milk Tea... Sounds gross but, it'll be worth it if I can have milk in the freezer for Hubby to give Bean so that I can oh, I don't know, eat, sleep, poop, and shower all in the same day. I hear a few extra "Moo!"s coming along...
Bottoms up!
ClumsyMumsy
PS Anything that says "more on that later," is likely to have a post only on that topic coming from an experience during my first six weeks as a mommy. These are likely to be the funniest of stories. It was after my worst day ever that L gave me the idea to write a book about my bipolar self & experiences. I mean, when you're to the point of crying so hard you laugh, and laughing so hard you cry... You might as well share.
Well I think that this is a good idea. It is very interesting to see what you went through.
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